VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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