I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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