My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm both gender and math confused
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
