Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
