I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
