Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
