I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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