I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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