I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
