You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
