Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
