One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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