My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
