fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
