so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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