I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
