Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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