She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
