I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
