I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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