I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
