I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
