I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
