dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
