What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
This is my gift to your gina
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
They have beer where we have blood.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
