2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
