I must be too annoying 4 u.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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