im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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