i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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