Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
