M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
