I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
send nudes
from the living room?
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