my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
