there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
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Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
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I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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