Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
