Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
