So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
