You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
