He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
