your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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