At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
