Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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