someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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