Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
