Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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