then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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