hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
