were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
