Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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