i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
