I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
