stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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