p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
