shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i now understand why vodka
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
