and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
