just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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