just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
