dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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