I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
