You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
