he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
