just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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