I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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