Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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