Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
