As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
